A day of anxiety

To be a good girl

One must not get into trouble

If you’re emotional, for goodness sake, do so quietly

The burp that escaped through your tears

Just solidifies our opinion of you

You are not fit to be here

I go out into the world

Looking to still connect and smile

With an open wound

I wave but they’re busy

I know it’s not me but I feel like an annoyance

And the tears squeeze past again

To have the confidence of a man

And just not care about what they think

To walk out into the street with muscles

And height and a square jaw

Imagine the ease

Imagine how they fold under that authority

I have to remind myself everyday I’m good

When I’m anxious

I stumble into loops

I’m bad I’m bad I’m bad

I hit my thighs so I don’t strike my head

It helps absorb the ache in chest

I’m good I’m good I’m good

I’m good I’m good I’m good

I’m good I’m good I’m good

I’ll be okay

My hands still make awkward gestures

It takes awhile to feel my body again

The hum of my breath returns

And sends me to sleep